Currently experiencing cognitive dissonance because I am here/ on twitter/ on facebook/ checking email instead of studying... The thought of studying makes me sleepy. It is 9 pm here. Bored now.
Wake-up call from NASA: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix3CjnHzN74&feature=player_embedded lol, the space shuttle specialist is a fan of J-bird
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
James Marsters...Dollhouse...The Guild...
James Marsters is going to Chicago Comic-Con again! I met him last year. It was his birthday. He was extremely nice (and I was just tagging along with my friend, I didn't buy an autograph)! His hand was hurt, so he couldn't shake hands properly, but he tried to. The attempts were funny. I'm excited to see him again. He commented on my friend's shirt and Nicholas Brendon commented on mine, so, lame though it may be, we are both going to have those same t-shirts.
Dollhouse comics:
I don't have them yet, but I haven't heard any good review so far. :( Also, they are pre-epitaph one but apparently, they do not deal with our main characters, only Mag and company. Boo... If I could choose what was in them, I would have Whiskey/Saunder's past revealed, I would have her story from when she left in early season 2 to becoming clyde to coming back as saunders to reverting to whiskey explained, I would also want to hear about Topher, Adelle and Echo's evolution as characters, as well as what went on in the world, what Echo and Paul were doing, I'd want to hear about the Tech heads and Anthony, as well as Safe Haven...I'll buy them anyway when I have the time to read them/ the money and then I'll review them.
In other news, one of the writers for Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog /Dollhouse/ the actress who played Kilo, Maurissa Tancharoen, is going to be in The Guild!
Dollhouse comics:
I don't have them yet, but I haven't heard any good review so far. :( Also, they are pre-epitaph one but apparently, they do not deal with our main characters, only Mag and company. Boo... If I could choose what was in them, I would have Whiskey/Saunder's past revealed, I would have her story from when she left in early season 2 to becoming clyde to coming back as saunders to reverting to whiskey explained, I would also want to hear about Topher, Adelle and Echo's evolution as characters, as well as what went on in the world, what Echo and Paul were doing, I'd want to hear about the Tech heads and Anthony, as well as Safe Haven...I'll buy them anyway when I have the time to read them/ the money and then I'll review them.
In other news, one of the writers for Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog /Dollhouse/ the actress who played Kilo, Maurissa Tancharoen, is going to be in The Guild!
Help?
I keep selecting the option for it to not track my own page views but it appears to be doing so and it is frustrating because it makes it seem like there is actually traffic. When I click on the option it makes me choose it all over again, so for some reason it isn't saving the choice. If anyone knows how to fix this, I'd appreciate it.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Monday, April 18, 2011
Damn you finals!
I really, really need to be studying for them/ writing papers/ finishing final projects, but...I'm a horrible procrastinator and the due dates don't start until Thursday. I wish I wasn't such a bad procrastinator when it comes to school work...
Anyway, another video from youtube! Illyria and Wes (R.I.P)
Anyway, another video from youtube! Illyria and Wes (R.I.P)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
So-Called "Recovery"
Mini-rant, completely unrelated to sci-fi/fantasy or writing:
You know what is horrendous about "recovery" aka pseudo-recovery? When you're a former bulimic like me, you get fat! I miss my underweight BMI gorram it! You still crave food. However, you've lost the "will power" to stick you fingers down your throat until blood and bile pour out every time something passes your lips. The thoughts, the self-loathing, the doubt, the baggy clothes, the obsession with food, the binges, are all still staples of your petty existence, but you don't purge enough to offset the food intake anymore. Laxatives, diuretics, diet pills, spending hours on tread mills, still make appearances in your life, but not enough to prevent weight gain. You should have never tried to "get better". Now you're stuck in limbo, not sick, not diagnosable with an eating disorder, but hating yourself and looking as revolting as ever. There may have always been excess fat, but at least back then you could see rib bones and hip bones when you stood up. *sigh*
You know what is horrendous about "recovery" aka pseudo-recovery? When you're a former bulimic like me, you get fat! I miss my underweight BMI gorram it! You still crave food. However, you've lost the "will power" to stick you fingers down your throat until blood and bile pour out every time something passes your lips. The thoughts, the self-loathing, the doubt, the baggy clothes, the obsession with food, the binges, are all still staples of your petty existence, but you don't purge enough to offset the food intake anymore. Laxatives, diuretics, diet pills, spending hours on tread mills, still make appearances in your life, but not enough to prevent weight gain. You should have never tried to "get better". Now you're stuck in limbo, not sick, not diagnosable with an eating disorder, but hating yourself and looking as revolting as ever. There may have always been excess fat, but at least back then you could see rib bones and hip bones when you stood up. *sigh*
And then you crawl out of the black hole of self-pity and distract yourself with writing or studying...
Dreams (talk about geek!)
Last night I played "Lord of the Realm" with some kids in the Bring Your Own Dice gaming club. They created the game, it was a sort of human risk. The rules were extrmemly complex and some were unclear. It was still pretty awesome, we were sneaking around and double-crossing other teams and giving The Queen silly gifts to win favor. When I went to sleep I had a dream involving the game and Dichen Lachman, Fran Kranz, Amy Acker, Joss Whedon and Nathan Fillion.
We (the whole big group of us that played, about 33 people) where in the middle of the game and then we notice Dichen, Fran and Amy in a darkened conference room. We were all wondering what in the world they were doing on campus. So, I sneaked upstairs to where their room was and I eavesdropped on their conversation. Then somehow I snuck into the room without them noticing. This would have been a great feat of skill because the door was closed, their conference table was pretty close to the door and their room had no lights on but the hallway did. I listened some more, I don't remember what they were talking about exactly, but I think it involved an idea for a new show. When I tried to sneak out to report to everyone else, Fran noticed me. We made eye contact and I smiled sheepishly. He said, "Hi". And I replied in kind and then I walked out. They continued talking as if I had never been there. I told everyone what was going on and then they sent me back upstairs to spy. I stood outside against the wall near the door. I peaked at the edge of the door (the door was mostly glass so they could see out) and Amy Acker chose that moment to look out. She made eye contact and smiled. I smiled back and darted away.
The group of us had all left the building, but we had gotten bored and decided to meet back up and play the game some more. My roommate and I got there and the place was empty except for a cashier selling snacks and two random people eating old burgers and complaining about their taste. This time the conference room was empty. But on the other side of the upstairs, Joss was sitting on the balcony dangling his legs over it and chatting with someone. The upstairs makes a half circle balcony with rooms going off of it. They were talking about using the building as a set and what they needed to change. A wall sudenly disappeared and an architect walked in holding plans. When the wall disappeared blue light flooded the room and we realized it was day.
Later, it was time to go to class so my roommate and I walked out and Joss was walking in with Nathan Fillion. My roommate ran ahead to talk to another friend who happened to be walking by. I smiled at Nathan and he glared back. I ran to catch up with my roommate and told her that he was mean and this made me extremely sad because when we watched Firefly we all picked out who we would marry. I had chosen Mal. My roommate had Simon. My other friend had Book (lol, she was out of the room when we did this and Book was the only one left!), another friend had Jayne, another had Kaylee (she is lesbian) and another had Wash.
In another dream, at least I think it was a seperate dream, FOX had a promotion where they would give a cash prize to the best Joss video. I have no idea why they would do such a thing since they clearly hate Joss. >.< But my friends and I talked about it and we were going to become vampires (for real) and kill a Glory-like character and take over the world! However, a spoof of Dollhouse won before we could get ourselves turned. The video that won only have two characters, Dr. Saunders and Echo. Dr. Saunders was crazy and she was standing over the imprint chair with scissors asking Echo how she'd like her scars. It was funny somehow though...
It was an interesting night in my subconscious indeed.... I'm obviously not obsessed at all...I do not obsess, I think intensely!
We (the whole big group of us that played, about 33 people) where in the middle of the game and then we notice Dichen, Fran and Amy in a darkened conference room. We were all wondering what in the world they were doing on campus. So, I sneaked upstairs to where their room was and I eavesdropped on their conversation. Then somehow I snuck into the room without them noticing. This would have been a great feat of skill because the door was closed, their conference table was pretty close to the door and their room had no lights on but the hallway did. I listened some more, I don't remember what they were talking about exactly, but I think it involved an idea for a new show. When I tried to sneak out to report to everyone else, Fran noticed me. We made eye contact and I smiled sheepishly. He said, "Hi". And I replied in kind and then I walked out. They continued talking as if I had never been there. I told everyone what was going on and then they sent me back upstairs to spy. I stood outside against the wall near the door. I peaked at the edge of the door (the door was mostly glass so they could see out) and Amy Acker chose that moment to look out. She made eye contact and smiled. I smiled back and darted away.
The group of us had all left the building, but we had gotten bored and decided to meet back up and play the game some more. My roommate and I got there and the place was empty except for a cashier selling snacks and two random people eating old burgers and complaining about their taste. This time the conference room was empty. But on the other side of the upstairs, Joss was sitting on the balcony dangling his legs over it and chatting with someone. The upstairs makes a half circle balcony with rooms going off of it. They were talking about using the building as a set and what they needed to change. A wall sudenly disappeared and an architect walked in holding plans. When the wall disappeared blue light flooded the room and we realized it was day.
Later, it was time to go to class so my roommate and I walked out and Joss was walking in with Nathan Fillion. My roommate ran ahead to talk to another friend who happened to be walking by. I smiled at Nathan and he glared back. I ran to catch up with my roommate and told her that he was mean and this made me extremely sad because when we watched Firefly we all picked out who we would marry. I had chosen Mal. My roommate had Simon. My other friend had Book (lol, she was out of the room when we did this and Book was the only one left!), another friend had Jayne, another had Kaylee (she is lesbian) and another had Wash.
In another dream, at least I think it was a seperate dream, FOX had a promotion where they would give a cash prize to the best Joss video. I have no idea why they would do such a thing since they clearly hate Joss. >.< But my friends and I talked about it and we were going to become vampires (for real) and kill a Glory-like character and take over the world! However, a spoof of Dollhouse won before we could get ourselves turned. The video that won only have two characters, Dr. Saunders and Echo. Dr. Saunders was crazy and she was standing over the imprint chair with scissors asking Echo how she'd like her scars. It was funny somehow though...
It was an interesting night in my subconscious indeed.... I'm obviously not obsessed at all...I do not obsess, I think intensely!
Friday, April 15, 2011
Adelle Dewitt (aka Olivia Williams)
I just saw Olivia Williams on Friends! That was a surprise. I do miss "the dragon". She was at Starfury Echo2 this year (along with Fran Kranz [Topher Brink], Dichen Lachman [Sierra/Prya] and Amy Acker [Dr. Saunders/Whiskey] and Liza Lapira [Ivy]). I'm jealous of anyone who got to go. I have, however, met James Marsters, he was so sweet! And Nicholas Brendon (he complimented my Firefly related T-shirt)
The Lab Rat of Awesome
I'm adopting my rat at the end of the semester :) He comes when I call his name!
Apparently rats like to chase their tails to:
Apparently rats like to chase their tails to:
Giles is so cute with his cheerios!
But exploring is so much fun to!
Eliza Dushku
She posted a video on facebook (it involves a happy dance)!!! It was hilarious!
http://www.facebook.com/OfficialElizaDushku#!/video/video.php?v=10150219029967152&oid=162172567134757&comments
http://www.facebook.com/OfficialElizaDushku
http://www.facebook.com/OfficialElizaDushku#!/video/video.php?v=10150219029967152&oid=162172567134757&comments
http://www.facebook.com/OfficialElizaDushku
Thursday, April 14, 2011
CSI
I was watching "Man Up" (CSI, season 11episode 11) because Amy Acker is in it and a quote made my freaking day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"I remember his last words, 'We'll always have comic-con.'" AHAHAHAHA!!
"I remember his last words, 'We'll always have comic-con.'" AHAHAHAHA!!
Equality Now
Potential good news! Decriminalizing underage prostitution! It has always been a stupid contradiction. 14 year old me cannot consent to having sex, yet I can be charged as a prostitute?! I hope this gets passed and more states follow suit.
http://www.startribune.com/politics/statelocal/119811709.html
http://www.startribune.com/politics/statelocal/119811709.html
Jossverse
A frakking awesome Joss fan video I found (Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dollhouse, Firefly/Serenity)
Favorite Mellie/Novemeber/Madeline and Dr. Claire Saunders/Whiskey fanvid
Favorite Winifred "Fred" Burkle fanvid
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
"Victim"
"...And I ended up feeling like I was just as guilty as he was...like it was a crime we were committing together and every time someone calls me a victim, I feel like I'm the biggest liar in the world." Echo as Susan (portrayed by Elia Dushku) That is one of the most resonate quotes from Joss Whedon's Dollhouse.
I hate the word "victim". I despise it, especially when it is applied to me. I am not a victim. I am a person.
That quote gives me chills because it is exactly how I feel. Apparently, Jane Espenson, with Eliza Dushku's help, can express my own thoughts better than I can. On one hand, that is disheartening, on the other hand, at least someone sort of understands. There is some sexual assault awareness program happening on campus. I understand that awareness is an important thing, but all their blue ribbons and their huge posters with stories are such a trigger. I wonder, does my prejudice and ill will toward men make me just as bad of a person as the average misogynist (most men)? Hm...I guess this is why everyone thinks I am lesbian. Yes, I hate men because the vast majority are juvenile, annoying, egotistical, power-hungry, sadistic, arrogant beings, and I have family members who are gay, but I am not sexually attracted to women. Maybe I am A-sexual.
Dear Rossum,
Where is the dotted line? Show me where to place my pen and you can have 5 years. You don't even have to pay me! Not that they would ever pick me...
On the subject of quotes: "I'm not broken." Damn right, I AM NOT BROKEN! Stop trying to fix me. I am not some damsel in distress, I'm not the weakest link, I am not damaged goods.
I know I'll never be as thin as Amy Acker:
I hate the word "victim". I despise it, especially when it is applied to me. I am not a victim. I am a person.
That quote gives me chills because it is exactly how I feel. Apparently, Jane Espenson, with Eliza Dushku's help, can express my own thoughts better than I can. On one hand, that is disheartening, on the other hand, at least someone sort of understands. There is some sexual assault awareness program happening on campus. I understand that awareness is an important thing, but all their blue ribbons and their huge posters with stories are such a trigger. I wonder, does my prejudice and ill will toward men make me just as bad of a person as the average misogynist (most men)? Hm...I guess this is why everyone thinks I am lesbian. Yes, I hate men because the vast majority are juvenile, annoying, egotistical, power-hungry, sadistic, arrogant beings, and I have family members who are gay, but I am not sexually attracted to women. Maybe I am A-sexual.
Dear Rossum,
Where is the dotted line? Show me where to place my pen and you can have 5 years. You don't even have to pay me! Not that they would ever pick me...
On the subject of quotes: "I'm not broken." Damn right, I AM NOT BROKEN! Stop trying to fix me. I am not some damsel in distress, I'm not the weakest link, I am not damaged goods.
I know I'll never be as thin as Amy Acker:
BUT if I can't be thin, why can't I at least be beautiful like Miracle Laurie? :
I do not mean to imply Amy Acker is "just thin", like Miracle Laurie, she is beautiful. AND of course, both are extremely talented :)
I know this jumped around a lot, but that is why it is called "ramblings". As I've said, I'm not eloquent. I also need to work on being clear and linear. I would love to be a writer, but I don't even know where to start. I'm bummed because there is a screenwriting class at the local community college back home but it is only offered during the regular school year. There is a play writing class here but I have to be a junior and I may have to be a theatre major to get in to the class. Regardless, I wish I could find something I am good at. So far, no such luck, sure I enjoy psychology, but I am average. I want to know if I'm talented at anything.
I should be reading a psychology textbook....
I decided to re-make a blog instead of studying for exams (I've imported posts from a blog I deleted). I'm a sophomore psychology major and a self-professed geek. I'm thinking about law school or graduate school for a PhD in psychology. I'm in love with behavioral psychology right now. The idea of becoming a behavior analyst is appealing at the moment. I'd also love to write novels or screenplays for TV shows. It seems like it would be like writing fanfic for a living! Jane Espenson (blog: http://www.janeespenson.com/), writer for Warehouse 13, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Battlestar Galactica and Dollhouse, is a model of mine right now. Unfortunately, I am not eloquent. :(
I'm considering hosting a CSTS (Can't Stop the Serenity- http://www.cantstoptheserenity.com/about/history-2/) event in September at my university. It would involve a screening of Serenity and lots of yummy snacks and discussion with a suggested donation amount. I figured no one would come if I made a ticket price. I'll donate cash regardless of whether I set it up. Among other things, I'd need permission from the university to use a venue, permission from FOX for a public showing and I'd need to register with CSTS. It would take some work, but if I can drum up some interest around here I think it would be fun and it is a great cause. The money generated by CSTS events goes to Equality Now (http://www.equalitynow.org/english/about/about_en.html) which is a group dedicated to women's rights around the world. Joss Whedon, the writer of Serenity, is a big supporter.
I feel a little bit pathetic making a blog, but too bad, we all have needs I guess :p
I'm considering hosting a CSTS (Can't Stop the Serenity- http://www.cantstoptheserenity.com/about/history-2/) event in September at my university. It would involve a screening of Serenity and lots of yummy snacks and discussion with a suggested donation amount. I figured no one would come if I made a ticket price. I'll donate cash regardless of whether I set it up. Among other things, I'd need permission from the university to use a venue, permission from FOX for a public showing and I'd need to register with CSTS. It would take some work, but if I can drum up some interest around here I think it would be fun and it is a great cause. The money generated by CSTS events goes to Equality Now (http://www.equalitynow.org/english/about/about_en.html) which is a group dedicated to women's rights around the world. Joss Whedon, the writer of Serenity, is a big supporter.
I feel a little bit pathetic making a blog, but too bad, we all have needs I guess :p
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Children of the Damned
Dark Angel Fanfic :) from the beginning of high school (I'm at the end of my sophomore year in college)
Part 1/5
Manticore
Gillette, Wyoming 2009
X5-210 (or 'Jondy', as she had been named by the rest of unit twelve) emerged from the black void of unconsciousness, her head throbbing in excruciating pain. Once she managed to wrench her mind away from the pulsing inside her shaved head, she noticed a glaring white light that penetrated her closed eyelids. She tried in vain to open them, but they felt as though they were weighed down with sand bags. Cold metal cuffs securing her to a cot bit into her pale skin. Her mind was hazy and sluggish, hindering her as she fought to recollect what had happened to leave her in such a state. She racked her brain trying to figure out her last memory. Finally, the fog lifted and the horrible scenes that had taken place only hours before flooded her nine year old head.
The last thing she remembered was her baby sister, X5-452 (a.k.a. 'Max'), falling from the perimeter fence screaming in pain – a sniper's bullet ripped through her femur. Jondy immediately jumped down to help, tearing a piece of her flimsy grey-blue military issued gown to make a tourniquet. She had been so wrapped up in caring for her sister that even with her sensitive hearing, she had been oblivious to the men surrounding her. By the time she saw them, it was too late. She rushed towards the nearest man but fell before reaching him, her body twitching from the multitude of tasers that had found their target. She shivered involuntarily with that memory; her sister's blood had seemed to mar so much of the white February snow surrounding them.
A door scraped open somewhere near her, but the sound seemed to be coming through water, as if she were submerged in the tank. She had enough presence of mind to fake REM movements so whoever this intruder was wouldn't bother her. The person moved to the left side of her bed, their shoes making a clicking sound as they walked. She could hear beeping near her; there were monitors next to her – she must be in the infirmary. The person touched her arm and she flinched.
"I didn't mean to wake you," the female voice said. She sounded exhausted, but there was some other emotion in her voice Jondy couldn't quite place. The closest feeling she could think of was how she had felt the time she saw an X5 from another unit being yelled at – sorrow. "But I need to take your blood pressure. All those tasers had some bad effects, as you can tell. I need to be sure nothing is going haywire." The woman lifted her arm, gently placing the blood pressure cuff around it. The cuff tightened and a few seconds later, the women informed her, "You're blood pressure's fine." She took off the cuff and squeezed Jondy's hand, another oddity coming from this woman. "My name's Amy by the way," she introduced as she fiddled with the monitors. She placed something hard and cool under Jondy's left hand. "It's a call light. Do you feel that button?" Jondy nodded; there was a soft, raised bump in the center of the object. "Press it if you need anything." Jondy nodded again; the woman's shoes clicked softly as she walked to the door.
Jondy wasn't used to anyone other than her 'siblings' acting kindly towards her; she wanted to see this strange woman. She tried opening her hazel eyes and eventually succeeded, but everything was blurry. The light was even brighter now that her eyes were open; the bonds on her wrists and ankles weren't as tight as they had seemed when she had awakened. She stretched as best she could in an effort to loosen up her taut muscles. She then proceeded to wiggle her extremities to make sure she still had full mobility, which she did. After running a series of checks on her body, she contemplated calling in the woman with the clicking shoes; her innate curiosity made her push the button. The woman walked in hurriedly; Jondy saw her shoes were white high heels. That explained the clicking when she walked. Amy's eyes met hers; they were a pure deep blue to the point of being almost violet. Her shoulder length light brown hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. Jondy noticed that in the glaring light, her hair seemed to shimmer; golden strands interspersed in her brown hair glowed under the light. Jondy yearned for long hair like Amy's. "What do you need, sweetie?" 'Sweetie?' What was a sweetie? She was a soldier! Jondy swallowed hard, well aware of the fact that the question she was about to ask could have an unwanted answer.
"How is M-452 doing?"
The woman smiled warmly. "She'll be fine, she got out of surgery a few hours ago."
Jondy nodded, sending a prayer of thanks to the Blue Lady. "And…the rest of my unit?" she asked tentatively.
Amy's shocking eyes clouded in sadness as she replied, "Three killed, two wounded and a total of nine recovered."
Jondy nodded again wondering who had made it out.
"Anything else?"
"No," Jondy whispered. "Thank you, ma'am."
Amy left, her white shoes still clicking. That could get on a person's nerves, Jondy thought as her mind drifted away from the escape. She suddenly wished she could have long hair. Hers would probably be light brown too. She imagined what Maxie's would be. She thought it would be deep, chocolate brown. A smile played on her lips as she imagined her sibs with civilian hair styles. Since she never slept, she passed hours imagining them all grown up looking like the only civilians she knew – doctors and nurses.
She didn't know how much time had passed when the door opened again. Amy came in and began undoing the wires attached to her. "You're being transferred," Amy explained. Cold fear gripped her insides; she knew exactly what that meant: Psy-ops. They don't waste any time, Jondy thought as the last wire was disconnected.
Three guards appeared at the doorway; Amy undid her restraints and helped Jondy off the bed. She was unsteady at first, but she regained her equilibrium by the time she reached the men. She forced her dread deep within herself, trying to suppress the memories of her brother X5-493 (a.k.a 'Ben') who was in Psy-ops for a week for being caught at the High Place. She was led to the basement where a male doctor with curly brown hair stood in a nondescript room with drab grey walls. She paused at the doorway one second too long, so the men dragged her to the chair. The doctors attached wires to her head so they could monitor her brain waves. The chair reclined so that she was lying down. A metal clamp was placed over her right eye, making it impossible for her to close it. A laser was placed before her, and it's red light beamed into her eye. Images swam before her:
MISSION
A soldier jumping in front of a superior officer to take a bullet for him
DUTY
Soldiers running into a burning building right after it exploded
DISCIPLINE
Soldiers being yelled at for disobeying an order and then being punished
Soldiers doing grueling training
TEAMWORK
A platoon helping a group of wounded people
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO BAD SOLDIERS
Jack lying on a table to be dissected
Max begging for them to stop hurting her
Eva being shot
Zack being poked and prodded
Tinga drowning but still chained to the bottom of the tank
Ben in Psy-ops
Brin stuck in a box that kept compressing
Krit being eaten by the nomalies
TRAITOR
Syl (a searing pain seemed to erupt over her entire body) 'no X5-701'
DESERTER
Brin (her eyes burned) 'no X5-734' they were trying to erase the idea of names. It had bred individuality which was a symptom of their over-independence.
SNAKE
Ben (she felt as if a million daggers were being thrust into her simultaneously) 'X5-493'
PLAGUE
Krit (her body was on fire) 'X5-471'
The images and sounds repeated for hours on end until she began to believe the lies, but she still held out part of her being. After what seemed like an eternity of re-indoctrination, she heard a sound that chilled her blood. Her CO, oldest brother, and protector, who unbeknownst to her, had sacrificed himself to save her, was sobbing, crying out that he had failed his charges. That foreign sound broke her resolve.
November 15th 2009
Solitary Confinement 2400
210 had been to Psy-ops more times then she could keep track. She knew some of her siblings had escaped due to the fact that they had been drilled into her brain as rats, deserters and traitors. The door to her cell creaked open. She blinked, her eyes trying to adjust to the light flooding the small windowless room. Someone ordered her into the hallway. She squeezed her eyes shut once more. When she opened them, the tough, weathered guard almost jumped back; her eyes were dead and devoid of any feeling. She obeyed the guard without thought; her red rimmed eyes and unnaturally pale skin combined with the look on her face kept the man from berating her for being slow. She emerged from the basement knowing who and what she was: X5-210.
*edit* - Wow, I just looked this over and...this is a really bad piece! Haha, oh well. It is probably good to have around.
Part 1/5
Manticore
Gillette, Wyoming 2009
X5-210 (or 'Jondy', as she had been named by the rest of unit twelve) emerged from the black void of unconsciousness, her head throbbing in excruciating pain. Once she managed to wrench her mind away from the pulsing inside her shaved head, she noticed a glaring white light that penetrated her closed eyelids. She tried in vain to open them, but they felt as though they were weighed down with sand bags. Cold metal cuffs securing her to a cot bit into her pale skin. Her mind was hazy and sluggish, hindering her as she fought to recollect what had happened to leave her in such a state. She racked her brain trying to figure out her last memory. Finally, the fog lifted and the horrible scenes that had taken place only hours before flooded her nine year old head.
The last thing she remembered was her baby sister, X5-452 (a.k.a. 'Max'), falling from the perimeter fence screaming in pain – a sniper's bullet ripped through her femur. Jondy immediately jumped down to help, tearing a piece of her flimsy grey-blue military issued gown to make a tourniquet. She had been so wrapped up in caring for her sister that even with her sensitive hearing, she had been oblivious to the men surrounding her. By the time she saw them, it was too late. She rushed towards the nearest man but fell before reaching him, her body twitching from the multitude of tasers that had found their target. She shivered involuntarily with that memory; her sister's blood had seemed to mar so much of the white February snow surrounding them.
A door scraped open somewhere near her, but the sound seemed to be coming through water, as if she were submerged in the tank. She had enough presence of mind to fake REM movements so whoever this intruder was wouldn't bother her. The person moved to the left side of her bed, their shoes making a clicking sound as they walked. She could hear beeping near her; there were monitors next to her – she must be in the infirmary. The person touched her arm and she flinched.
"I didn't mean to wake you," the female voice said. She sounded exhausted, but there was some other emotion in her voice Jondy couldn't quite place. The closest feeling she could think of was how she had felt the time she saw an X5 from another unit being yelled at – sorrow. "But I need to take your blood pressure. All those tasers had some bad effects, as you can tell. I need to be sure nothing is going haywire." The woman lifted her arm, gently placing the blood pressure cuff around it. The cuff tightened and a few seconds later, the women informed her, "You're blood pressure's fine." She took off the cuff and squeezed Jondy's hand, another oddity coming from this woman. "My name's Amy by the way," she introduced as she fiddled with the monitors. She placed something hard and cool under Jondy's left hand. "It's a call light. Do you feel that button?" Jondy nodded; there was a soft, raised bump in the center of the object. "Press it if you need anything." Jondy nodded again; the woman's shoes clicked softly as she walked to the door.
Jondy wasn't used to anyone other than her 'siblings' acting kindly towards her; she wanted to see this strange woman. She tried opening her hazel eyes and eventually succeeded, but everything was blurry. The light was even brighter now that her eyes were open; the bonds on her wrists and ankles weren't as tight as they had seemed when she had awakened. She stretched as best she could in an effort to loosen up her taut muscles. She then proceeded to wiggle her extremities to make sure she still had full mobility, which she did. After running a series of checks on her body, she contemplated calling in the woman with the clicking shoes; her innate curiosity made her push the button. The woman walked in hurriedly; Jondy saw her shoes were white high heels. That explained the clicking when she walked. Amy's eyes met hers; they were a pure deep blue to the point of being almost violet. Her shoulder length light brown hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. Jondy noticed that in the glaring light, her hair seemed to shimmer; golden strands interspersed in her brown hair glowed under the light. Jondy yearned for long hair like Amy's. "What do you need, sweetie?" 'Sweetie?' What was a sweetie? She was a soldier! Jondy swallowed hard, well aware of the fact that the question she was about to ask could have an unwanted answer.
"How is M-452 doing?"
The woman smiled warmly. "She'll be fine, she got out of surgery a few hours ago."
Jondy nodded, sending a prayer of thanks to the Blue Lady. "And…the rest of my unit?" she asked tentatively.
Amy's shocking eyes clouded in sadness as she replied, "Three killed, two wounded and a total of nine recovered."
Jondy nodded again wondering who had made it out.
"Anything else?"
"No," Jondy whispered. "Thank you, ma'am."
Amy left, her white shoes still clicking. That could get on a person's nerves, Jondy thought as her mind drifted away from the escape. She suddenly wished she could have long hair. Hers would probably be light brown too. She imagined what Maxie's would be. She thought it would be deep, chocolate brown. A smile played on her lips as she imagined her sibs with civilian hair styles. Since she never slept, she passed hours imagining them all grown up looking like the only civilians she knew – doctors and nurses.
She didn't know how much time had passed when the door opened again. Amy came in and began undoing the wires attached to her. "You're being transferred," Amy explained. Cold fear gripped her insides; she knew exactly what that meant: Psy-ops. They don't waste any time, Jondy thought as the last wire was disconnected.
Three guards appeared at the doorway; Amy undid her restraints and helped Jondy off the bed. She was unsteady at first, but she regained her equilibrium by the time she reached the men. She forced her dread deep within herself, trying to suppress the memories of her brother X5-493 (a.k.a 'Ben') who was in Psy-ops for a week for being caught at the High Place. She was led to the basement where a male doctor with curly brown hair stood in a nondescript room with drab grey walls. She paused at the doorway one second too long, so the men dragged her to the chair. The doctors attached wires to her head so they could monitor her brain waves. The chair reclined so that she was lying down. A metal clamp was placed over her right eye, making it impossible for her to close it. A laser was placed before her, and it's red light beamed into her eye. Images swam before her:
MISSION
A soldier jumping in front of a superior officer to take a bullet for him
DUTY
Soldiers running into a burning building right after it exploded
DISCIPLINE
Soldiers being yelled at for disobeying an order and then being punished
Soldiers doing grueling training
TEAMWORK
A platoon helping a group of wounded people
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO BAD SOLDIERS
Jack lying on a table to be dissected
Max begging for them to stop hurting her
Eva being shot
Zack being poked and prodded
Tinga drowning but still chained to the bottom of the tank
Ben in Psy-ops
Brin stuck in a box that kept compressing
Krit being eaten by the nomalies
TRAITOR
Syl (a searing pain seemed to erupt over her entire body) 'no X5-701'
DESERTER
Brin (her eyes burned) 'no X5-734' they were trying to erase the idea of names. It had bred individuality which was a symptom of their over-independence.
SNAKE
Ben (she felt as if a million daggers were being thrust into her simultaneously) 'X5-493'
PLAGUE
Krit (her body was on fire) 'X5-471'
The images and sounds repeated for hours on end until she began to believe the lies, but she still held out part of her being. After what seemed like an eternity of re-indoctrination, she heard a sound that chilled her blood. Her CO, oldest brother, and protector, who unbeknownst to her, had sacrificed himself to save her, was sobbing, crying out that he had failed his charges. That foreign sound broke her resolve.
November 15th 2009
Solitary Confinement 2400
210 had been to Psy-ops more times then she could keep track. She knew some of her siblings had escaped due to the fact that they had been drilled into her brain as rats, deserters and traitors. The door to her cell creaked open. She blinked, her eyes trying to adjust to the light flooding the small windowless room. Someone ordered her into the hallway. She squeezed her eyes shut once more. When she opened them, the tough, weathered guard almost jumped back; her eyes were dead and devoid of any feeling. She obeyed the guard without thought; her red rimmed eyes and unnaturally pale skin combined with the look on her face kept the man from berating her for being slow. She emerged from the basement knowing who and what she was: X5-210.
*edit* - Wow, I just looked this over and...this is a really bad piece! Haha, oh well. It is probably good to have around.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Erase myself?
Contemplating deleting all traces of myself off the internet. Well, as much as possible. I am ignored in cyber space as well, so why bother? Clearly The Dollhouse won't find me, darn! The roommie and I will probably be done with season 2 this weekend. I'm going back to my vegan diet. Since no clandestine organisation will help me, I guess I'll disappear that way. I guess I could start talking to my physics professor about the Einstein-Rosen Bridge instead. I don't know. Also, I'll know on Friday whether I'll be taking neuro-biology next semester. Mwahahaha. ^.~ Well, that little rambling didn't help me make a decision. I don't know about deletion, I'll think some more I suppose. ...The title reminds me of "face myself" and the line/tune of What I've Done plays in my head.
Edit: Thoughts are still percolating, but for now I'm not going to
Edit: Thoughts are still percolating, but for now I'm not going to
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