I WANT TO BE A DOLL

No...not a manequin or a doll a little girl plays with. I want to be a Doll/Active in the Dollhouse!

"Victim"

"...And I ended up feeling like I was just as guilty as he was...like it was a crime we were committing together and every time someone calls me a victim, I feel like I'm the biggest liar in the world." Echo as Susan (portrayed by Elia Dushku) That is one of the most resonate quotes from Joss Whedon's Dollhouse.

I hate the word "victim". I despise it, especially when it is applied to me. I am not a victim. I am a person.

That quote gives me chills because it is exactly how I feel. Apparently, Jane Espenson, with Eliza Dushku's help, can express my own thoughts better than I can. On one hand, that is disheartening, on the other hand, at least someone sort of understands. There is some sexual assault awareness program happening on campus. I understand that awareness is an important thing, but all their blue ribbons and their huge posters with stories are such a trigger. I wonder, does my prejudice and ill will toward men make me just as bad of a person as the average misogynist (most men)? Hm...I guess this is why everyone thinks I am lesbian. Yes, I hate men because the vast majority are juvenile, annoying, egotistical, power-hungry, sadistic, arrogant beings, and I have family members who are gay, but I am not sexually attracted to women. Maybe I am A-sexual.


Dear Rossum,

Where is the dotted line? Show me where to place my pen and you can have 5 years. You don't even have to pay me! Not that they would ever pick me...

On the subject of quotes: "I'm not broken." Damn right, I AM NOT BROKEN! Stop trying to fix me. I am not some damsel in distress, I'm not the weakest link, I am not damaged goods.


I know I'll never be as thin as Amy Acker:

BUT if I can't be thin, why can't I at least be beautiful like Miracle Laurie? :

I do not mean to imply Amy Acker is "just thin", like Miracle Laurie, she is beautiful. AND of course, both are extremely talented :)

I know this jumped around a lot, but that is why it is called "ramblings". As I've said, I'm not eloquent. I also need to work on being clear and linear. I would love to be a writer, but I don't even know where to start. I'm bummed because there is a screenwriting class at the local community college back home but it is only offered during the regular school year. There is a play writing class here but I have to be a junior and I may have to be a theatre major to get in to the class. Regardless, I wish I could find something I am good at. So far, no such luck, sure I enjoy psychology, but I am average. I want to know if I'm talented at anything.  

Celebrities and Eating Disorders

Oddly, before this most recent relapse, I couldn't have cared less about celebrities. However, this time around I've gotten interested in a few actresses whose talent and bodies I envy. I would die for their bodies. I do not mean that literally at the moment. However, there was a point in my life where I would have rather died thin than lived as disgusting as I am now. I adore celebrities who are talented and beautiful but don't have bones sticking out everywhere. For instance, Miracle Laurie from Dollhouse or Amber Benson from Buffy (at least when she was on the show). Then there are those whose ribs jut out when they wear tight clothes. Eliza Dushku is thin, not emaciated, but most likely underweight (I can see chest bones and ribs- watch dollhouse or search google images *note* I am not accusing her or anyone of having and eating disorder). I noticed the other day that she follows the "Team True Beauty." I wonder if anyone in L.A. actually believes that inner beauty counts for much or if it is a PR or a feel-good thing. Clearly, one's looks are paramount in the acting business. I'd like to hear what she (Eliza) thinks about it. Also, how can pretty people say anything about inner-beauty? I'm not saying pretty people are not good or nice people or that they don't have to work for what they get. If you're beautiful but you are impossible to be around or you aren't good at something, beauty alone won't create success. I'm saying they haven't had to rely solely on their "inner-beauty" showing through.

Do you think celebrities really mean it when they say things about inner beauty or support ed recovery things, etc?

Additionally, psychological research has shown that physical appearance does affect people.

http://www.jyi.org/volumes/volume6/issue6/features/feng.html

A few rad links...

If you or someone you know likes Firefly (R.I.P) and you cross-stitch you can make a cool pattern with the crew!

http://www.etsy.com/listing/66541533/pixel-people-firefly-serenitys-crew-pdf


Fascinating book my Michio Kaku! It addresses time travel, aliens, telepathy, telekinesis, perpetual motion machines, alternate universes and more...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physics_of_the_Impossible


A neat blog entry that marries Dollhouse, philosophy and other Whedon shows, worth the read!
*MAJOR SPOILERS for Dollhouse, Buffy and Angel*

http://themothchase.wordpress.com/dollhouse/