"Victim"

"...And I ended up feeling like I was just as guilty as he was...like it was a crime we were committing together and every time someone calls me a victim, I feel like I'm the biggest liar in the world." Echo as Susan (portrayed by Elia Dushku) That is one of the most resonate quotes from Joss Whedon's Dollhouse.

I hate the word "victim". I despise it, especially when it is applied to me. I am not a victim. I am a person.

That quote gives me chills because it is exactly how I feel. Apparently, Jane Espenson, with Eliza Dushku's help, can express my own thoughts better than I can. On one hand, that is disheartening, on the other hand, at least someone sort of understands. There is some sexual assault awareness program happening on campus. I understand that awareness is an important thing, but all their blue ribbons and their huge posters with stories are such a trigger. I wonder, does my prejudice and ill will toward men make me just as bad of a person as the average misogynist (most men)? Hm...I guess this is why everyone thinks I am lesbian. Yes, I hate men because the vast majority are juvenile, annoying, egotistical, power-hungry, sadistic, arrogant beings, and I have family members who are gay, but I am not sexually attracted to women. Maybe I am A-sexual.


Dear Rossum,

Where is the dotted line? Show me where to place my pen and you can have 5 years. You don't even have to pay me! Not that they would ever pick me...

On the subject of quotes: "I'm not broken." Damn right, I AM NOT BROKEN! Stop trying to fix me. I am not some damsel in distress, I'm not the weakest link, I am not damaged goods.


I know I'll never be as thin as Amy Acker:

BUT if I can't be thin, why can't I at least be beautiful like Miracle Laurie? :

I do not mean to imply Amy Acker is "just thin", like Miracle Laurie, she is beautiful. AND of course, both are extremely talented :)

I know this jumped around a lot, but that is why it is called "ramblings". As I've said, I'm not eloquent. I also need to work on being clear and linear. I would love to be a writer, but I don't even know where to start. I'm bummed because there is a screenwriting class at the local community college back home but it is only offered during the regular school year. There is a play writing class here but I have to be a junior and I may have to be a theatre major to get in to the class. Regardless, I wish I could find something I am good at. So far, no such luck, sure I enjoy psychology, but I am average. I want to know if I'm talented at anything.