Hmmm, maybe I should come back here. I don't know. In the meantime, I made a new blog. I am the queen of procrastination. >:(

http://masochistmusing.wordpress.com/

Wow

Thanks to someone commenting on a post *gasp* I'm back. :)

Update:

I'm taking time off school right now because of ED and depression. :( My mom keeps mentioning treatment. 


I hate her mixed messages. Most days she could care less if I finish a meal, when I was on weight gain or soon after treatment, she was militant. However, now that I am fat, it is okay to not eat.

What is worse is that she came home while I was cleaning dishes from a failed binge (some of the ingredients where bad) and she says, "Oh, good! You were saved by the bad vegetable oil!" Then, not 10 minutes later, I said I was going to use a separate plate for one of my vegetables for dinner because I don't like it touching my other food. So, she says, "That sounds like a food ritual. Would Remuda let you do that?"

To which I reply, "No. Good thing I'm not at Remuda."

Then she says, "Well, if you keep heading this way, you will be"

WTF??? Am I being too sensitive? Plus, after dinner (and after a mini-lecture about me having to prove I am ready to go back to school in the fall), she was going shopping and she asked if we should get coffee cake for a weekend away. I asked what she was thinking and she said, "If we can to be beautiful for the wedding (my brother's!!), we shouldn't"

One of my good friends got into a great school! I'm a little jealous because I want to go there for either law school of grad school in psychology.

I WANT TO BE A DOLL

No...not a manequin or a doll a little girl plays with. I want to be a Doll/Active in the Dollhouse!

You Know You Need to Loose Weight When...

The "fat pants" you bought when you reached your previous high weight are starting to make a muffin top. *gag* 

Purging

I've decided I need to start purging everything again. I'm at my highest weight EVER and this is unacceptable. For years, I have tried to either eat healthily to maintain my weight or to loose healthily. However, I have never been able to do either. I need to loose weight and restricting/fasting/binging/purging (exercise, laxatives,diuretics) are the only ways I know how. I need to fit into a size 00 by Comic Con (August 11-14). I have no idea what I would currently be because I refuse to by new clothes from my old fat clothes, so I just wear really ill-fitting stuff.

Titles Require Too Much Thought...

Currently experiencing cognitive dissonance because I am here/ on twitter/ on facebook/ checking email instead of studying... The thought of studying makes me sleepy. It is 9 pm here. Bored now.

Wake-up call from NASA: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ix3CjnHzN74&feature=player_embedded lol, the space shuttle specialist is a fan of J-bird

James Marsters...Dollhouse...The Guild...

James Marsters is going to Chicago Comic-Con again! I met him last year. It was his birthday. He was extremely nice (and I was just tagging along with my friend, I didn't buy an autograph)! His hand was hurt, so he couldn't shake hands properly, but he tried to. The attempts were funny. I'm excited to see him again. He commented on my friend's shirt and Nicholas Brendon commented on mine, so, lame though it may be, we are both going to have those same t-shirts.

Dollhouse comics:

I don't have them yet, but I haven't heard any good review so far. :( Also, they are pre-epitaph one but apparently, they do not deal with our main characters, only Mag and company. Boo... If I could choose what was in them, I would have Whiskey/Saunder's past revealed, I would have her story from when she left in early season 2 to becoming clyde to coming back as saunders to reverting to whiskey explained, I would also want to hear about Topher, Adelle and Echo's evolution as characters, as well as what went on in the world, what Echo and Paul were doing, I'd want to hear about the Tech heads and Anthony, as well as Safe Haven...I'll buy them anyway when I have the time to read them/ the money and then I'll review them.

In other news, one of the writers for Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog /Dollhouse/ the actress who played Kilo, Maurissa Tancharoen,  is going to be in The Guild!